Parijat

Parijat

I know I've grown up
because I've forgotten the Parijat
the feel of the blossoms in my palms

and the blossoms themselves

the ones detached, that fall on the ground at the slightest hint of a breeze
not a moment of regret

the resolute ones, holding on for dear life
knowing they have but a moment more

and the playful, dancing off my forehead gracefully

but most of all
the sly ones, hiding in the crevices of the wall
beckoning me to come closer and discover their world.

I know I've grown up
because I had forgotten the Parijat
But maybe all is not lost
for I remember it today.

Moon at Dawn

Today, I see the moon at dawn.

Today, after many days, I hear the first cries of the birds welcome another day.

Today, I'm relieved, calm, at peace with myself. Today there is no cacophony of jumbled thoughts running through my head, only a heightened sense of the world around me.

The gentle hum of the city reaches my ears, as do the calls of the city birds. Today, I fought with the cuckoo again! And won!

Today, I feel the gentle cool breeze caressing my skin, and the leaves on the tree infront of my house.

Today, I discovered my home afresh - the water from the airconditioner dripping into the bucket so meticulously placed below it every night by my mother, the lock on the front gate preventing me somehow from venturing out unannounced, and the fireflies that lurk in every corner of the rooms until the last bit of darkness is driven out by the rising sun...

Today, I see my neighbour return home from an early morning walk. A rare sight - my neighbour!

Today, I take the newspaper by hand, instead of finding it rolled on my veranda floor.

Today, I see the light break out, little by little, its pace so gentle that every second feels the same, yet the leaves were black only a while ago!

Today, after many days, the morning feels fresh, the light invigorating, and the day promising.

Today, I see the moon at dawn.

Moments of revelation

It was some 8 years ago, when I was 11 years old, that I realised how much I loved music. The realisation wasn't sudden, but rather prolonged, built up and in part contributed to by my mother, my guru, and myself. The next revelation was at one sultry June afternoon, when listening to Kalapini Komkali's rendition of 'Hans Akela', I suddenly found tears running down my cheeks. I saw then an unexplored emotional and vulnerable part of myself, that I had kept hidden in layers of denial and false stoicism in some weak corner of my soul.



My short journey through the twisting turning roads of life uptill now has been a series of such revelations, sometimes sudden, sometimes progressive - but always at the right time and place. Each one is like a spark, it makes the heart beat faster with excitement and realisation. After music, it was photography. My sister, a photographer herself, introduced me to Dayanita Singh's work some 6 years ago at an exhibition titled Go Away Closer. The images were an assorted set, referring to no particular time and place. I went through the series without feeling anything, without any reaction, positive or negative. It troubled me then, to not comprehend what i was seeing, but i conveniently told myself that photography was probably not for me. Some months later the exhibition travelled to Delhi, and i chanced upon it in a frequently visited gallery. And lo and behold, it was as if i was seeing the images for the first time! The photographs were alive now, talking to me, telling a story. One image in particular touched me deeply - it was a photograph of a young girl, lying on the bed, facing away from the camera. That photograph, for me, was the visual interpretation of the title of her exhibition. I could build stories around it, engage with it, feel as if i was actually there, my eye being the lens of the camera. What prompted this response? I dont know. But it was hugely satisfying. From then on, my attitude towards photgraphy has taken a complete U-turn. I not only appreciate it as a viewer, but also enjoy being behind the lens myself.

I could go on and on with such incidences. I walked past the board in my school for 5 years without giving it a glance, and then one day, I just stopped and read. It was a Harivansh Rai Bachchan poem - Jo beet gayi so baat gayi. And i realised the beauty of poetry and the power of the written word.

Life is like a tightly closed bud. You have to prod it open, little by little, for it to reveal its most beautiful parts to you. What is it about sounds, and words and lines and colour that moves me so much? I dont know yet. But I can spend the rest of my life finding out.

Choices

Left
Right
Middle of the road

Obey
Ignore
Dinner table conversation

Good
Bad
Matter of perspective

I
You
We

Conform
Rebel
Reformer

Yes
No
Maybe

Black
White
Or Gray?

Black, White or Gray?

Gray...
Maybe.

NANO OR NA NA?

So. The biggest story in the Indian car market. NANO launched. Finally.
People are rejoicing. Ecstatic. Someone, somewhere in a little town in India is anxiuosly counting his finances to make sure he can have a slice of this very deliciuos pie. In fact i think a lot of someones would be doing that at this very minute.
I, however, am apprehensive. And not just a bit. I am VERY apprehensive. And sad. And feeling tired already, thinking of the long traffic jams that i can imagine in the near future. And coughing already, inhaling the fumes of the air around me, poisoned from the exhaust of a million cars running all over the country.
Yup, im a member of that gang. The gang that seems to be coming in the way of the Common Man's aspirations. Hell, I AM the common man. Why does the common man need a car? Because its a status symbol? Because its something to flaunt to your social circle? Or because its essential to have a car if you want to get around the city easily? I would like to think, the third. (Even though I know most people would go with the first two).
Well guess what. I think traffic problems and poisonous air getting into my precious lungs is way more important than showing off my car as a advertisement for my financial prosperity.
If TATA really wants to fulfill the Common Man's aspirations, then how about designing a bus thats cheap? A public transport vehicle that the governement can invest in? Isnt that the way forward for our vehicle clogged cities? Once there is a good and efficient Public Transport system in place, the need for an individual car would decline automatically. Other aspirations would become more important.
And two fingers to the a car as a 'Status Symbol'. People in London dont own cars. They use the tube. Parking is too expensive in the city. Nobody complaints of having a lower status, nobody feels they are inferior. Its the same in New York. Why, then, are we in India so fixated with all this 'owning a big car' thing?
So, Mr. Ratan Tata, I hope you are ready to take on the responsibility for a very dirty and messy future, which you have helped shape for us, the Common Men and Women of India. Kudos to your corporate social responsibility!

Scary Notions

As a rule, I dont get scared easily. Im not afraid of cockroaches, insects, lizards or other such generally-deplorable creatures (how can be, with my house getting such visitors at all times of the day). Im certainly not scared of dogs (yes, some people are). Im not afraid of the dark, or travelling alone on Delhi roads, or a million other things that find a place in the 'What are you scared of?' column of personal factsheets on facebook.


But i do get scared when i read, hear or see Climate Change around me. Really Really Scared. I get a horrible wobbly feeling in my stomach - like you used to get when you lied to your mum about having your milk and she found the untouched glass kept in the refrigerator, or the kind of feeling you get when you're caught bunking school by that devil of your teacher in the shopping mall. Oh yes I do. I know it sounds strange and rather blown out of proportion but thats how it is. So I change channels, fold the newspaper or simply walk out of the room (nature calling!) in the middle of an engaging discusion. Some escapist I am...

Most people would think I have gone a little overboard with the whole save-environment thing, but to me, anybody with enough imagination should be able to see clearly where all this is headed. I mean, I dont even need to imagine it, I can see it in front of me - in the off-season rainfall that Delhi has seen this year, in the number of water tankers that we called twice a week for 8 months last year because there is no ground water left in my colony, in the numerous devastating hurricanes that have hit US coasts, and most recently- in the severe oil price rise that has burned holes large enough for me to slip through (im really slim by human standards though) in all our pockets.


Today I read in the newspapers that the government has initiated a ban against plastic bags in Delhi. Wow, im shocked. And impressed. But most of all, sceptical. One good step the Government has taken - but what would the reaction of the general citizenry be? So angry that its fodder enough for the Opposition to break the current government to pieces. Its really amazing how determinedly adamant we are about destroying ourselves, our home, and our future generations! In our quest to seek our goal, we will fight against each small effort, parry every blow of well meaning action, and break every wall of protection erected against our own tirade. WHATEVER HAPPENS, I WILL NOT LET MY HOME BE SAVED! That seems to be the message we're giving out.

But I want to ask ourselves - Are we really this bad? Are we really this indifferent toward our OWN health, life and home? I would like to think, not. It's really not that difficult to carry our own bag everytime we go to the grocery shop, to close the lights or the water tap when not in use, to recycle and reuse wherever possible, to refrain from washing our cars or our driveways with hosepipes, to segregate waste at home, to reduce use of plastic as far as possible, and to generally 'green' our routine. Its certainly not 'below' us. Dont we invest hours of our precious time and money in shopping in malls for that perfect outfit, or in beauty treatments and personal care? Well we certainly can invest a fraction of that time in adopting practises which would ensure a healthy future for us, and our children.

If nothing else, I want to appeal to our most selfish and basic instinct for survival. Forget about being an altruistic, too good to be true flag holder for the environment. WE SHOULD DO THIS FOR OURSELVES. For Our health. Our lives. And Our Home.

So I'm forwarding this to all the people i know, in the hope that they will help me save my as well as their health. Because I alone can't undo all, that we as a race have created.

Shocked

Shocked. Scared. And Angry.